Nehirim | Thank You For Helping Me Find Myself

During my senior year of high school, I came out to my mom. Although I knew that she loved me, it was hard for her to accept and understand that I was gay. I also struggled with accepting my sexuality, and did not begin to truly embrace my LGBTQ identity until my sophomore year of college. At this point, I began to realize how important it would be for both my mom and myself to be able to reconcile my queer identity with my Jewish faith. While she never explicitly stated that she needed approval from a rabbi, I knew it would give her comfort and allow her to more wholly accept my sexuality.

I made the decision to approach my rabbi during my junior year of college. He has been a member of my family for over 25 years, doing brisses, bar and bat mitzvahs, and a wedding of all 14 of my cousins. As I was well aware of how conservative the temple was, I was hesitant in approaching him. He quickly assured me that my fears were unnecessary; he told me that he would be happy to marry my future wife and I and suggested I look into Nehirim. Even though I had a biochemistry exam on the day of the retreat, I was able to go outside my comfort zone with the help and support of my mentors at school.

On the day of the retreat, I arrived early and left to do homework around the corner. Before leaving for my study break, I only met one person, Ethan Sobel. After returning, the room was lively and filled with students eager to begin the weekend. This welcoming environment began to make me feel more comfortable, but the Mispacha groups truly solidified my excitement about the program and desire to return the next year. At that point in my life, Nehirim was the best program that could have been made available to me. It gave me the confidence I needed to lead Jewish LGBTQ events on my own campus by bringing together Hillel and the LGBTQ center.

The next year, I was able to serve as a student chair. My students co-chairs were from California and Massachusetts, which provided me with different perspectives. As part of my duties as a student chair, I had to design t-shirts and contact speakers. On the back of the shirts was the Nehirim sign, and under read “Since when did sexuality need”, followed by the kosher sign. Not only did I enjoy designing these shirts, but I loved finding speakers and getting to know them personally. These speakers, like my fellow student chairs, were able to provide me with new perspectives. They represented not only different sects of Judaism, but different religions, sexual orientations, races, and gender identities.

Our first speaker was Rabbi David Dunn Bauer, who spoke about how Jewish blessings change the nature of love and desire in any relationship. The next day, we heard from speakers ranging from professors of Political Science and Womens’ Studies to newly-graduated students; city counsellors to the founder of the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health. Some presentations were serious, some were artistic, and some were more lighthearted. Each contributed a unique aspect to our weekend. Our keynote speaker, Reverend Irene Monroe, ended with a speech entitled “The awesome connection between spirituality and sexuality.” Once again, I found the most intimate part of the retreat to be the Mispacha group and this time I was able to lead one of them.

Although the retreat itself was only a weekend, I still carry the stories and relationships gathered from that weekend with me today. It provided me with the knowledge that I am not alone in my journey, and that I have a support system available to me of other individuals from all walks of life who are also exploring gender, sexuality, and religion. Nehirim, for me, is an open space to explore these identities, and the experience was truly life changing. As the website says, “Our retreats, student programs, and community events transform lives”. I certainly find this true, as I met incredible friends that both challenged my viewpoints and supported me unconditionally, and for that I am so thankful.

Forever Grateful,

Jessica Leuchter