Shalshelet Mentoring Program
Young GLBT people rarely have queer elders to mentor them. While most of us are born into our religious and ethnic communities, members of sexual or gender minorities are rarely born into GLBT families with queer role models, teachers, and mentors. Worse, as young adults seek out mentors in the queer community, they are often justifiably fearful of being objects of sexual predation. In addition, older people sometimes come out after being in the closet for many years, sometimes after being married and raising children. They are “young” in years of experience being out, and they too need support in facing all of the challenges that may arise.
Shalshelet, the Nehirim mentoring program, matches GLBT mentors and mentees in long-term mentoring relationships. Interested participants fill out a questionnaire and are matched by Nehirim staff. After an initial conversation, after which both parties agree to initiate the relationship, it is expected that the pair will talk by phone at least once a month, email frequently, and see each other in person at Nehirim conferences and events. Mentors receive counseling from Rabbi Jacob Staub, director of the Shalshelet program, in periodic phone conversations, on a monthly group conference call, and via email. Rabbi Staub provides guidance, resources, and support for mentors, ensuring the safety of the relationship and enabling mentors to grow in their roles as guides and supports. Mentees receive counseling from Zvi Bellin, Nehirim’s Engagement Associate, and currently a Ph.D candidate in counseling.
Naturally, the safety and security of the relationship is of paramount importance. Rabbi Staub will be available to all participants, both the mentors and the mentored, to discuss any problems or concerns they have. Participants are screened in person, generally at a Nehirim event, and admission will be a selective process. Any inappropriate relationship between mentors and mentees will cause the Nehirim relationship to be terminated, and in such cases, both parties will be required to meet with Rabbi Staub prior to their admission to Nehirim programs. Only those over the age of 18 will be eligible to participate, and those with substance abuse, psychological, or other issues requiring professional attention will not be admitted without the prior consent of the mental health professional treating the participant. The mentoring relationship is not a substitute for therapy or psychiatric care; it is a special, and holy, relationship of its own.
Shalshelet is a vital part of Nehirim’s mission to create authentic spiritual community for GLBT Jews. It enhances the lives of those mentored, enriches the lives of the mentors, and create Jewish networks of love and support where they are needed most.
Here’s what participants in Shalshelet have been telling us:
“The relationship that I have with my mentor has been extremely important for me over the past year. Whenever I am faced with a challenge that has to do with Queer Jewish life or life in general I know I have someone that I can talk to openly and honestly. My mentor provides me with a non-judgmental and safe container for me to explore my life as it unfolds. He provides wise feedback and challenges me to see different perspectives when I might be shortsighted. What is great about my mentor is that he seems to genuinely care about me and gives me the sense that he gets me and he is curious to understand what I am going through when we talk. I look at the mentorship as a holy relationship that is nurturing, honest, and safe.” - Mentee
“I really appreciate the Shalshelet program as a safe place to discuss and explore issues in Judaism. It is a unique and wonderful opportunity to do this as part of the lgbt community and I really appreciate it.” - Mentee
” When I think of my involvement in the Shalshelet Program, there is one word that comes to mind: Wonderful. My mentee and I try to keep in touch every two weeks, and if not, then I receive updates via e-mail… It continues to be a great experience. I feel I have been able to make a difference in the life of my mentee. As our relationship develops, it’s very fullfilling for me to see the growth my mentee is experiencing. We have discussed issues some of which are dating, school, friendships, religion, and family… I would highly recommend it to anyone that is ready to take on the role of being a positive influence to a younger, GLBTQ Jew.” - Mentor
Shalshelet is directed by Rabbi Jacob J. Staub. Rabbi Staub is Professor of Jewish Philosophy and Spirituality at the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College in Philadelphia, where he served as Dean for seventeen years, At RRC, he founded and continues to direct the first program in Jewish Spiritual Direction ever established at a rabbinical seminary. He studied Spiritual Direction at the Shalem Institute for Spiritual Formation and has taught advanced training for Jewish Spiritual Directors. He teaches Jewish Meditation, Contemplative Practice, Jewish Spirituality, and Queer Midrash. He is the co-author of Exploring Judaism: A Reconstructionist Approach.
Rabbi Staub is assisted by Zvi Bellin,a Ph.D. candidate in pastoral counseling at Loyola College. He holds an M.A. in Counseling and Guidance from NYU. For the past five years, Zvi has led a variety of workshops on Jewish spirituality and mysticism, and serves as outreach coordinator for Nehirim. He will be helping students and youth get the most of out of the Shalshelet program.